You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize