everyone is single if you try hard enough
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
