I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
