Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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