I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
