now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
