I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
