Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
