he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
