apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
