5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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