i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
