If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He shit in the fireplace
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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