you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
