My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
