I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
