I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
