having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
