She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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