Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
