Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I want a musical about memes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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