You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ambien. No doubt about it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
