did you get engaged???
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
