I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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