i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
