Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
