a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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