Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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