I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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