You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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