The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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