The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize