On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
