We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got inside last night via doggy door
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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