My girlfriend figured out who you are.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
