I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
