We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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