May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found your dick twin last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
