my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
