She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
