We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
