if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
