Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
