The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
