WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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