Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
