Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize