my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
