My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
