i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize