You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
