I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
