Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
