He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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