at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
