you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
vagina is talking i cant
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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