Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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