I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
