and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
