She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my shit smells like andre
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
