Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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