you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
