I'm really into asian looking animals
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
