Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
