I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
