Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
