Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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