guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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