Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
