Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
