So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
