you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dignity is for republicans.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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