Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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