They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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