do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
