you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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