Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
