Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
