my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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