A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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