my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
