he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
