Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
