Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
