The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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