so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
