I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
