Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
