it wasn't lemon gatorade
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
